I was surfing through some of my files and I came across this one I wrote over eight years ago.  The file was saved under the title “What I want to be.”  I’m going to share it with you today, not because I’m looking for confirmation that I have become or not become what I wanted to be; but rather because it has made me think about the act of creation.  My own personal creation theory, so to speak.

Here it is in its entirety followed by my current thoughts on it all:

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Vince Green:  Born in Philadelphia in 1958 – A Life to Live

“He Was Always Creating” – A commentary about Jerry Garcia’s life.

Now:  As of November 26, 2005, in answer to the question, “What do I want out of the rest of this life?”

• I want to help others.
• I want to heal others.
• I want to create.
• I want to create art.
• I want to create powerful written words.
• I want to create powerful pictures.
• I want to create powerful photographs.
• I want to create powerful music.
• I want to create story.
• I want to connect and pull people together.
• I want to help people remember who they, are in relation to God (All That Is).
• I want to teach.
• I want to coach.
• I want to mentor.
• I want to talk to others.
• I want to have fun.
• I want to be with other people.
• I want to create with other people.
• I want to make other people feel good.
• I want to smile all the time.

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Naturally I first asked myself, “Have I accomplished these things?”  The immediate insight I came upon was that YES! I have achieved some of them…..but then NO – I have not, really.  I have discovered that over most of those eight years the only thing I have accomplished, in fact perfected, is the experience of WANTING.

Look back at each of the things, these goals, I wrote down.  Each line item begins with the words “I want to.”  Over the years I have definitely become an expert in wanting.  I have created for myself a constant condition of wanting something.

Now the dilemma with creating a condition of wanting is it implies, by definition, that there is something I do not have.  When I want something I say to myself, “I do not have it.”  Even if I do already have some of something and I want more, it implies I had something but now do not.

For instance, I have some money.  But I believe I do not have enough so I want more.  I have replaced the experience “having money” with the experience of “wanting money.”  In this case “more of the money.”

So what have I created?  An experience of HAVING (some money)?  Or an experience of WANTING (more or enough money)?

You may say, “Vince, what the hell are you talking about?  Having, wanting, these are all nuances of language….minor details.  What difference does it make?”

To some, maybe no difference at all; to me, it makes all the difference in the world.  I believe the divine universal power, the ultimate creator, god, whatever you chose to call it, connects most intimately with us in the details.  In the nuances of our existence. In our experiences.

I mean your god doesn’t come up to you and bop you over the head and say “Hey stupid, do this don’t do that!”  Does it?

Well maybe on that rare occasion; but for the most part no, the messages come to us quietly, almost un-noticed.  In fact it seems we really need to pay close attention to life in order to get anything out of it, would you agree?  Otherwise life seems like just one big ball of confusion, eh?

At least that has been my experience…..I’ve done a very good job at creating a big ball of confusion for myself!

Oh god what now by vincegreen111058

 

So, to get back to my point:  If I am going to create myself as a person who helps others – then I must BE that person who helps others (I must HAVE the experience of helping others).  And not BE that person who WANTS TO help others.

Enough creating for now.  Hopefully I didn’t just create one of those big balls of confusion for you!

 

 

Take care and seek peace my friends,

Vince